I’m Taking “Offense” Out of My Vocabulary, and Why You Should Too


Jeremiah Traeger

“Why are you people so offended about everything?” This is a common rhetorical question that is bantered about the internet about just about everything. Whenever someone shows the tiniest sign of being upset in their criticism (and sometimes even when they don’t), they are accused of just getting offended about something, after which their argument can be dismissed as simply a result of high emotions instead of logic. It’s gotten to the point where “offense” has abandoned any usefulness, at least from my perspective.

Think of the last time that you had a problem with what someone said. Did you object to it on the grounds that “this was offensive”? Think of the last time somebody said that they were offended to you. Do you have a clear example in mind? For me, I can’t think of either.

I may as well lay my cards on the table for context. I’m a leftist progressive concerned with social justice issues. I support feminism, LGBTQ rights, Black Lives Matter, and humanism in general. I am regularly called an SJW (enough that I cohost a podcast called the SJW Circle Jerk, which you definitely should not listen to). I’m a millennial. I fit a lot of the caricatures of the early-20s kid looking for radical social change. Why is someone like me dismissing altogether “being offended”? Isn’t that what we are all about? Aren’t we offended about improper pronoun usage or that women get catcalled regularly? Well, we are, but being offended is not the point of our disagreement.

For atheists who might have qualms with the more social-justice side of the movement and may find this confusing, I’m going to try and illustrate this with an analogy that will make more sense to them. Take a look at the work of the Freedom From Religion Foundation or the American Humanist Association Appignani Center. They frequently challenge religious privilege* by writing letters and issuing lawsuits involving government displays of religious symbols, prayers at public schools, and any other violation of church and state. I challenge any atheist to look up a news story involving these organizations, and look at the comments. You’ll find religious zealots jeering at the atheists and secularists getting so offended at their god or their Christianity. It doesn’t matter on what grounds the FFRF or AHA objects to these violations, according to the lay Christian people are issuing lawsuits because the atheists are so goddamned butthurt that there’s a cross somewhere. They think so deeply that atheists’ real problem is religious symbolism period that they seem to think that it’s a victory when religious displays are visible on private property, even though it’s been repeatedly explained that all we want is separation of religion and government, so private property is perfectly fine to us.

I personally was in an argument with a religious person that went exactly like this. A person was upset about secularists wanting to take down a nativity display from a local courthouse. She went on about HOW “atheists and secularists are just acting this way because they’re OFFENDED.” It took me multiple times explaining to her that the issue wasn’t that we were offended. We want this display off of government property because it’s unconstitutional, and it’s unconstitutional because we value religious freedom and government endorsement of one religious viewpoint over another dissolves that.

jesus christ offended

[Image: Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is done with all this bullshit. He says, “Oh my dad, this page is so offensive”]

This is exactly what social justice activists face when they raise concern over something seemingly innocuous, in the same way that a mere cross in a local school seems harmless. We recognize that we still live in a society that is deeply racist and sexist, or otherwise marginalizes certain groups over others, and we wish to challenge that privilege. Our concerns aren’t that some incidental phrase is offensive to us, we just want to minimize damage to certain people that have faced institutionalized damage. We challenge “offensive” rhetoric because changing the mainstream narrative, however innocuous an offhand statement may seem, seems like a decent way of going about doing something. If someone speaks out against street harassment, it’s not because it’s offensive to women (even though it is), but because it makes women feel unsafe, promotes the narrative of women as sex objects, and enforces patriarchy in general. When we correct someone misgendering another person, we do so not because it’s offensive (even though it certainly is), but because doing so erases trans identity, and further promotes violence and abuse against trans people by dehumanizing them.

Someone may want to challenge me on the existence of these privileges, and that’s to be expected. I’m not intending to argue about those in this piece. What I’m more interested in challenging is the idea that people get outraged or mobilize because they are merely offended about something.

I am going to try and take “offended” out of my vocabulary. For one thing, I’ve never complained that something was offensive. I’ve complained that something is harmful for certain people, or that it marginalizes people, or it enforces a false narrative. Like the government displays mentioned above, I’ve never spoken out against violations of separation of church and state because the baby Jesus offends my heathen sensibilities. I’ve spoken out against it because we function as a society better when religion and government are separate, and diversity of religious opinion is allowed to flourish.

I’m going to stop using “offended”. Not because it has been a problem when I used it. I’m going to stop using it because I overwhelmingly see it used to accuse someone else of objecting to a problem merely because their feelings got hurt. It’s an easy way to dismiss an otherwise defensible argument. All you have to do is tell the person that you don’t care if they’re offended, knock down the strawman that you’ve constructed, and walk away with your chin held high having “won” the argument. This is largely one of the ways that social justice activism has been dismissed. Shitlords have the easy job of painting the whole community as simply “being offended”, and after that the whole movement is able to not be taken seriously because it’s a bunch of whiny millennials being upset and they just can’t handle being upset.

At this point, I should be clear that this is largely based on my perspective and experiences. I rarely see people cite “being offended” as the foundation of any of their arguments, but perhaps other people do. I’ve stopped using this terminology, but that doesn’t mean you should. But before you make your decision I’d like to challenge you to pay attention to how people use the word “offended”. The next time you see someone call something offensive, look at who is saying it. Is it the person who has a problem with something? Or is someone objecting to that concern and just saying “stop being so offended all the time!” Is the “social justice warrior” telling someone to stop being offensive? Or is it the anti-SJW who is whining about getting all offended these days? If people are genuinely citing offense as the reason for their concern, then by all means you should continue as you were. However, I’d really like for you to take a look at the people speaking out and their reasons for doing so. If you see people calling out problems, but calling them out overwhelmingly for actual reasons other than hurt feelings, then maybe you should stop calling people offended all the time as well.

To be clear, I’m not saying that it’s 100% okay to be offensive all the time. I’m interested in productive conversations, and conversations where name-calling, slurs, and personal attacks tend not to get anywhere. I’d argue that if you want a good, open conversation where everything is open to discussion, the best way to go about doing that is to do it without putting any party on the defensive, and without making anyone feel attacked.

At the same time, there is a time and place for offense. I’ve even written an entire post on why offense is not only not against social justice, but in fact a tool that social justice activists often use. Sometimes people need to be offensive. If someone thinks killing lumps of cells housed in a uterus amounts to murder, then granting women bodily autonomy will inevitably offend that person. To the fundagelical, the mere existence of an atheist is offensive. But these conversations need to happen to change hearts and minds, so their offensive nature should not deter us.

Ultimately, I’ve simply been tired of people just accused of merely being offended all the time, regardless of their reasons. For a community of supposed skeptics, we should eschew “mind-reading” and trying to look into the motivations that others have, since we aren’t going to be able to truly know what someone is thinking until those brain scanning technologies get off the ground. Until you can demonstrate that someone just wants to be outraged, then you should engage with what they are actually saying. If they truly don’t have anything substantial to back them up, then by all means dismiss them. But until then, leave “offended” at the door.



As an necessary addendum, I can’t speak for every social justice minded atheist/humanist. There certainly are going to be people who do act this way. I like to think that secularists are much better at this than random Tumblrites, but again, this is my experience.

*By the way, work towards Separation of Church and State is also a form of social justice activism. Along with organizations like American Atheists, these organizations are working to decrease the elevated privilege of religious persons over nonreligious persons. In fact, pretty much any activism that people would categorize as “atheist activism” is social justice activism.

How Self-Loathing Gays Learned to Stop Loving and Hate the Queers


Jeremiah Traeger

It’s become an easy punchline that any given politician or religious figure will eventually be “caught in the act” of engaging in gay sex. Obviously, there’s no problem with two adults engaging in private acts under informed consent of all involved, but we can take great joy in exposing their hypocrisy. I don’t know about anyone else, but I am looking forward to the day that one of the David Mannings and the Steven Andersons of the world get their gay sex tapes leaked across the internet.


This leads to the question, why is this occurrence somewhat commonplace? As one study found last year, the more passionate homophobes actually have a high likelihood of actually being gay. The concept of repressed and internalized homophobia is not a new concept to us, but why would actual queers be the most vocal on these issues? I propose that the simplest answer is that it comes back to the conservative and authoritarian religious “morality”, the one that places arbitrary rules on silly “sins”. This ideology leads to a lot of harm down the road, which is one of the biggest reasons it would be best for religious morality to be eradicated altogether.


I will demonstrate this by comparison. First, look at the foundational principles of secular morality. We know that if an action that we take causes harm to someone else, it is immoral. We can demonstrate things that cause harm, because we can see that people are generally better off when they are wealthier, healthier, and less dead. Compare this to religious morality. Something is wrong when it’s a “sin”. What is is a sin in Christianity? A sin is whatever the god of the Bible says.


This is not new information at all, but it’s important to keep these in mind when discussing our motivations for discouraging immoral behavior. For secular humanists, we want to discourage immoral behavior because by our definition it causes harm to people. If someone has been murdering people, we want that to stop immediately. We want them to stop not because someone said so, and not because we found it in some ancient text written by disparate authors who thought making goats look at sticks while they fuck gave the offspring stripes. We want them to stop because as secular humanists we recognize that as far as we know we have one life and we value the precious time we have to experience it, and thus we want to prevent anything that will cause innocents to have that life taken away. We arrest the perpetrator not to merely give punishment to that person, but to isolate them from the general public, and hopefully rehabilitate them such that they will change their behavior in the future. Since religious morality doesn’t have this motivation, non-seculars are left with merely acting “moral” for the fuck of it.


Up to this point, I don’t think I’ve said anything particularly novel, but I propose that we need to put ourselves in the perspective of the fundamentalist religious person. From birth they are taught not to physically harm people, not to steal, and not to be gay. All of these are wrong merely because they fall under the category of sin. For the first two sins listed here, practically everyone has had the urge to do these. Right or wrong, it’s a somewhat common instinctual response to lash out physically at someone who has said something inflammatory or made a threat. And it makes sense that we would want to take something that we didn’t earn. Both of these have perfectly coherent natural instincts behind them that explain the impulse, even though we can also recognize that they are harmful. But if you asked the religious person why someone might want to do those things, a common response would be “temptation”. The person would want to sin because “demons” or “the devil” are tempting them.


If this is how the religious model works, then consider a hypothetical evangelical who also happens to be gay and closeted. From an enlightened modern understanding of sexuality we know that this person doesn’t really choose their orientation. Even if they cite the Bible or their traditions as reasons to decry gay sexual behavior they will still have urges they can’t control. This person might, at some point, also have a compulsion kill someone, this person might have an urge to take from a store without paying, and this person will have a temptation to act upon their sexual urges with someone of the same sex. To a conservative evangelical, these are all sins. And the reason that we want to do all these things is apparently because we are broken beings tainted with original sin, it’s simply in our nature. In this religious model, it absolutely makes sense that “being gay” is a choice. From the closeted gay evangelical’s perspective, everyone could be having the same urges to act upon their sexuality, just as everyone occasionally has an impulse to act in other ways that harm other humans. From his perspective, parents in a traditional nuclear family have the same gay urges that he does, but they are vindicated by not acting on their assumed same-sex urges and putting up with each other.


For this reason, the motivations behind legally banning gay marriage and banning murder are the same. They are both affronts to the creator of the cosmos, who conveniently just so happens to have all the say on what is moral or not. It doesn’t matter that gay consensual sex gives pleasure and happiness to the two participants and murder takes away everything for someone. To the gay homophobe, the person who has gay sex is simply someone who has given into the evil despite scriptural teachings. This is no different from murder, which under fundagelicalism is bad because someone gave into the temptation to murder. The murder may have taken someone’s life, but under an authoritarian religious worldview the part of that which is wrong is the mere disobedience of scripture. The gay person and the murderer have committed the same slight against the creator of the cosmos, which is not harm against a fellow human, but mere disobedience.


This creates a problem for a closeted gay evangelical. They are epistemologically blocked from explaining why being gay is wrong. In a world where people are increasingly becoming more and more accepting of queer folks, religious leaders need to become better at defending themselves. Perhaps they are baffled that they can’t call something merely “immoral” without being questioned. If a pastor talks about some current event like a shooting or an assault in the news, it’s pretty safe to say that he won’t get any pushback if he calls it “immoral”. But with the changing cultural tide, he now requires justification for saying so. In a church, he’s allowed to point to the Bible. He’s allowed to point to certain verses to justify why murder is immoral, and he’s able to point to certain verses why homosexuality is immoral. This works fine in a church, but it holds much less water in the real world.


This perspective may seem nutty, but it falls within the realm of their apologetics. After all, one of the supposed arguments against atheism are, “If there is no god, then what’s stopping you from killing and raping everyone you can?” This has been discussed on national outlets. It’s prominent enough that perpetual homeless GI Joe lookalike Phil Robertson used a similar argument last year in a speech detailing the gruesome murder of an atheist family, or that Penn Jillette felt a need to respond to it on his Sunday School. To an evangelical, the only thing stopping people from murdering is the rules laid down from on high. Apparently the existence of suffering that everyone experiences, any screams that a victim may give out, pale in comparison to a set of arbitrary rules form a creator. And to the closeted gay evangelical, the only thing that is stopping him from putting his dick into another dude’s butthole is the Good Book and the grace of the Good Lord Jesus Christ.


It doesn’t help that there are multiple bible verses that can support the case that all sins are equal:


James 2:10 – For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one, he is guilty of all.


1 John 3:15 – Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.


Matthew 12:31 – Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men


It’s true that there are verses that say the opposite (Jesus explicitly refers to a “greater sin” in John 19:11), but that has other problems not relevant to this post. The point is that all sin is apparently wrong because it has been ordained to be wrong. If almost any sin has the same price of eternal damnation unless you repent, then it makes sense to think they’re equally important. If murder and buttsex are perceived on the same moral level and a surge of people come out saying that the latter is ok, then it only makes sense that people would speak out about this. Of course, this only serves to detail how warped the authoritarian morality system is.


It’s important that if we want to stop harmful ideas, we understand the perspective from the disagreeing party, no matter how deplorable. If we can get to the source, it will help us cut off the problem. I don’t advocate pretending that we can read minds, so I will never be able to say what pastors are truly thinking. But this model makes sense to me in a world of vocal anti-gay religious leaders and politicians who end up having secret gay underpinnings. I would love to probe one of these David Mannings of the world, ask him about his attractions, why he’s so outspoken about this particular sin, etc. But that doesn’t seem likely to happen, so for now I’m content to watch them scream and cry as society catches up with true morality.

The Fog

Finding my way through the fog
Looking for the answers to what is right and what is wrong
But for me the reality of these questions and the answers that followed became full of distorions
Nothing was as it seemed
It was the fog slowly closing in around me
A fog filled with fears, nightmares and paranioa
Feeling that your worst fears can become reality at any moment
A reality that is so terrible and painful that all I could do was run
Running from or running to… I could not tell the difference
No matter what direction I ran all I saw was fog
As the fog grew thicker and thicker I began to feel myself falling
As the fog began to finally disapear I found myself in a hole
A deep, dark hole
A hole filled with sadness, pain, hoplesness and dispare
As time went by these things consumed me
I did not know any other way to exist
Life in the hole was all I knew
I had no memories of life before it
The hole became my only comfort, my only friend
I didn’t even think about leaving
I did not know how
I had no hope
I was in a deep, dark, hole lost in a sea of fog
And I did not think that anyone even knew I was there
I was doomed to live a life of fear, pain and such horrible sadness that at times I wished that the hole would just collapse in on me and end my pain
The pain had become more than I could bear
And at the moment that I could bear no more a faint ray of light hit my shoulders
How long had it been since I had seen a light such as this?
I did not know
My first reaction was of fear
So I dug deeper into my hole
Then I saw a hand slowly reaching down
Not knowing what to do I dug even deeper
What did the hand want?
Why was it there?
What did it want from me?
A fear of the hand grew intense
I sat weeping, not knowing what to do
Not knowing how to feel
I began to hear  a comforting voice coming from the hand
A voice that I did not know for it had been many a year since I had heard such a voice
I was told that I would be helped out of the hole but I would have to make the first step alone
I would have to stand up and reach for the hand
I felt nothing but fear
My body trembled as I slowly reached for the hand
I felt a sense of warmth and comfort from the hand
It was an unfamiliar feeling
But the fear still dominated my emotions as I was slowly helped out of the hole
It was a very long and hard journey before I was finally free from the hole
And in days to come I would search long and hard for it again
For there were times that I again disired its comfort
But with all my searching I could not find it again even to this day
The struggles that came after were hard and challanging
I learned many new things and met with many comforting voices
The journey to freedom has been difficult and not without it’s trips and stumbles
But it was a journey that was well worth taking and it continues to be so
Because the journey never really ends, it just changes shapes and colors
The way that the seasons come and go. Always changing
But changing for the good
For now I finally have hope that I will never return to the depths of the hole within the fog
I have the strength to keep them in my past
And the disire to never return

~Wendy Kay

The Atheist Movement’s Ultimate Concession

This is a cartoon that on occasion I have an urge to tattoo on everyone’s forehead that I can. I’m tired of explaining this to people who invoke free speech after getting blocked, banned, or otherwise thrown off a platform they never were entitled to in the first place. The best part, though, is the text you get when you hover your mouse over the comic on xkcd.com.

I can’t remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you’re saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it’s not literally illegal to express.*



Jeremiah Traeger

I love this because it so succinctly expresses that just because you are capable of saying something doesn’t mean it’s worth listening to, especially not in any given environment you’d like. Expressing your legal right to express an idea is in no sense a defense of the actual idea. As Randall Munroe has put it here, it is an ultimate concession that you don’t care to defend the idea in the first place, you just want to be capable of spouting it without considering its implications.


There’s a similar diversionary tactic in atheist circles, and of course it comes as an objection to intersectional humanist activism. Whenever an atheist speaker comes out to talk about a social justice cause instead of debunking Pascal’s Wager or Creationism for the four billionth time, the dictionary atheists come out of the woodwork to once again remind us what the definition of atheism is. “Atheism: noun. The lack of belief that any gods exist.” Thanks, everyone was completely unaware of the definition that we’ve been using to describe ourselves for years. Those dictionary atheists are super helpful, as you can see. How would we get anything done without them providing a major usage of a vocabulary term?


Of course, they aren’t wrong; that is probably the most productive usage of the term “atheism”. The problem is that for some reason, they think this a justification to not only not care about major social issues, but to actively silence people that do. Apparently, if a content creator produces anything as an “atheist blogger” or an “atheist podcaster” or an “atheist YouTuber”, etc., then apparently anything other than “atheism” doesn’t need to be talked about. Why? Because it doesn’t fall under the definition? Bullshit.


The time this is most brought up is when someone refers to the “atheist community” or the “atheist movement”. On its face, it seems silly to refer to such things since atheism isn’t really a thing, it’s a non-thing, or a non-god belief to be specific. Of course we can bring up that it would be silly to gather people who don’t do something together. Why don’t non-golfers or non-stamp collectors get together?**


Of course that would be ridiculous, unless ~70% of the country comprised of stamp collectors who not only tried to institutionalize a privilege of stamp collectors over non-stamp collectors, but also tried to take away women’s bodily autonomy and tried to get everyone to stop masturbating because of stamp collecting. If stamp collectors had a culture of going door to door and proselytyzing then I’d definitely have a problem with that. If stamp collectors taught their kids that stamps were the only things that they could collect, and as a result they couldn’t collect other things like baseball cards or Pokemon, then I’d have a problem with that. If stamp collectors rallied against science because communication technologies like email or social media eliminated the need for stamp collecting in everyone’s life, then I’d have a problem with that. If transgender people were treated as less than human because there were only cisgender people depicted on stamps, then I’d have a problem with that. And while I would appreciate anyone who would fight against such injustices, the first place I’d start is the non-stamp collectors. All that non-stamp collecting involves is not gathering a variety of stamps into a collection, yet I’m pretty sure my fellow non-stamp collectors would also be pretty pissed off if we and other groups of people were marginalized and would be prodded into mobilizing. As such, it would make sense to band together under a “non-stamp movement”, regardless of how tenuous the connection the hobby has to social change.


As such, the claim that the dictionary atheist makes is unintentionally a concession that there is nothing of substance to say against forming a community or cause with atheism as a common interest. Apparently the best someone can say against an atheist movement is that the arbitrary label we have placed on our identity doesn’t include being active. They can’t even make the argument that our label says that we can’t be active, because by the own definition they have given it doesn’t exclude activism under the banner of atheism. It says nothing about it, as it should.


Status quo defenders will state something like, “I’m just an atheist, which means I don’t believe in gods, that’s it. It doesn’t imply that I should care about transgender issues.” To be clear, this is true, but it’s the wrong response as it distracts from the real issue. I’m not going to say that everyone needs to be involved in LGBTQ activism, as there are many noble active causes and we can’t be involved in all of them. But if you’re an atheist who cares about the harm that affects other humans, it would help to be informed about them. Gender and sexuality is an excellent example of something religion unfairly targets, and you should care about being a decent and informed person regardless of your theistic beliefs. If I’m making the case that this is an issue that it would behoove you to know about, I’m not appealing to your lack of belief in gods. I’m appealing to your decency, humanistic values, and potential to affect positive change. If your response is that “my atheism has nothing to do with that”, then you’ve signaled that your label that designates you as someone who doesn’t believe in gods is more important than your capacity to be a good, informed humanist. This is why appealing to the dictionary regarding your atheism is such a concession, it reads not only that you have nothing negative to say about intersectional issues, but that you have nothing better to say against atheists who do even though you’d rather that they stop. To me, that reads that you’re conceding to being an asshole.


Perhaps this is confusing because many of the platforms that bring up social justice issues along with atheism don’t bill themselves as “The Friendly but also LGBT-inclusive Atheist” or “The Thinking and also Feminist-Friendly Atheist” or “The Intersectional Atheist Experience”. They just bill themselves as atheists without any additional descriptors. When abortion comes up on The Atheist Experience, it’s inevitable that the show receives comments and emails asking, “aren’t they supposed to be discussing atheism? I didn’t realize this was the feminism experience.” Apparently once you designate yourself as an atheist, you can’t talk about anything but not believing in gods anymore.


Of course, no atheist is just an atheist. We all have multiple interests, desires, passions, and beliefs. It would be silly of us to only restrict our platforms to that singular descriptor if we don’t want to. In fact, nobody only does atheism. All atheism describes is a non-belief in gods. Once you talk about counter-apologetics, that isn’t atheism, since all atheism is is a non-belief in gods. Plenty of atheists go their whole lives without ever engaging with apologists, so clearly that’s not atheism. Neither is separation of church and state, nor promotion of evidence based biology classes in school. Once you start doing any work outside of not believing in gods, you have ceased to merely be an atheist. Appealing to atheism’s definition is the concession that atheist media should only reflect atheism and that’s it, and any work outside of that is not as important, including the work of American Atheists and Freedom From Religion Foundation.


If that’s the case, then isn’t the “atheist movement” or “atheist community” nonsensical? Since I’ve already agreed that atheism is a very narrow thing that doesn’t involve much of anything, wouldn’t it be unreasonable to suggest that we would unite on an interest as silly as that? It would be ludicrous if all anyone was proposing was a get-together based on such a narrow part of our identity, but that’s not really what anyone is proposing.


Take a look of the surge of people across the United States joining together to fight Church and State, becoming members of Freedom From Religion Foundation, attending Reason Rally and secular conferences. They are making podcasts and YouTube channels identifying proudly as atheists. They fight against issues that negatively and disproportionately affect atheists. They write books on why atheism is a superior intellectual position compared to theistic religious beliefs, and why abandoning those beliefs will lead to a better world and life overall. It’s obvious that this is a movement, which is apparent after the swelling of media and political mobilization on these issues over the past 15 years. It should also be obvious that these people largely identify as atheists, and for good reason. While that particular religious identity is hardly a panacea for moral behavior, it certainly eliminates the bullshit religious reasons that cause social harm. And as David Silverman is eager to tell you, it’s important that we identify as atheists, largely because that is the term that most of the country understands and gets the message across, and it’s also a term that will soften the blow that atheists in the future will receive from religious bigotry. The atheist movement is far from an outpouring of people merely wanting to state that we share a lack of belief in gods, it is a collective force for positive change. Appealing to the definition of atheism is the concession that what a few words mean to you in a dictionary is more important than the effect that mobilizing millions of people across the country can have.


Besides the fact that this movement overwhelmingly comprises of people who identify as atheists, we hold literally no other group to the same standard. The LGBTQ movement is not merely comprised of queer and trans people getting together to merely exist, it is to bring visibility and equality to the forefront. The same is true with women’s rights. Appealing to that definition is the concession that you don’t understand the difference between what identifies people in a group and the causes that affect those groups.


Furthermore, why shouldn’t there be an atheist community? Having a group of atheists hardly means uniting under exactly the same beliefs in some type of cultlike groupthink. In a world where people can be abandoned or isolated due to exclusionary religious behaviors, shouldn’t people have a place to go to escape that? It makes sense that social creatures like humans would like to gather where those negative pressures aren’t present. I’ve personally met listeners of the No Religion Required Podcast who don’t have any sort of friends or community outside of the chatrooms and the Facebook groups, merely because their towns are soaked in religion bigotry that excludes anything else. When nonbelievers are going through tough times or are grieving, doesn’t it make sense that they should have a group of people to talk to who will do more than say, “I will pray for you”? As Matt Dillahunty has mentioned before, whenever religious people move to a new town they are able to instantly find a home and make friends by going to church on Sunday. Shouldn’t nonreligious people have similar options to find likeminded folk?


This comes back to the common comments left by shitlords and status quo defenders. “I’m an atheist, but that doesn’t mean I want to be associated with any sort of movement or community.” All I can say is that it seems really obtuse. This type of comment seems to imply that once someone falls under the umbrella of a certain identifier, then they must by default be part of the movement associated with that identity. Listen, if you care so much about not being part of an atheist movement because you can’t bear to be associated with it, then by all means, please do not join the atheist movement. We will be better off without you.


As a final point to dictionary atheists out there, I’ve made my point here without once disputing the proposed definition. The point here is not that atheism means something more than the definition provided in the third paragraph. The point is that appealing to that definition says nothing. It makes no point whatsoever.


Therefore, if someone brings up the “atheist community”, please don’t feel the need to point out your definition for the term. It is a waste of time, and you have conceded that you find it important that atheists aren’t seen as a force for good in the world. I agree that atheism doesn’t necessarily imply social justice causes, but it absolutely doesn’t imply that we can’t pursue them either. Furthermore, atheism doesn’t imply that someone isn’t an asshole. And you will certainly demonstrate that if the best you can do is divert the conversation just to point out a short string of words in quotes. When you say “I’m an atheist, but that doesn’t mean I have to support social justice”, that doesn’t mean that atheists should stop focusing on multiple social justice causes. All it means is that if you are against intersectional atheism, we can’t stop calling you an atheist. And as you are apparently eager to point out, that hardly means a thing.



*There has been a fairly recent trend in people invoking “free speech” as not just a right granted and protected by government and society, but as a principle of open dialogue and discussion. I have issues with this, largely because even though both are absolutely valuable, they have enormous differences in how they work as well as how we enforce and treat them. That, and trollish or abusive dialogue actually tends to reduce productive dialogue and discussion. I may expand on this in the future.


**The points in this paragraph have been brought up approximately 11.5 billion times already. I’d ignore such an obvious point on its face, but for some reason it keeps popping up over and over, so apparently I have to bring it up for the 11,500,001st time.

The Fourteen Bible Passages that (Don’t Really) Address Transgender Identity


Jeremiah Traeger

Transgender rights are now a large part of public discussion, which is good for a group that until recently has been invisible at best and completely demonized at worst. Since acknowledging that trans people are human and deserve to be treated as such would be progress for mankind in general, it’s conservative Christianity’s job to oppose it. This is done under the banner of “family values”, “tradition”, being against “sexual immorality”, and all the other meaningless dogwhistle phrases that they love so much.


It’s not difficult to find a pastor railing against transgender people, calling it immoral and against the Christian god’s plan. There are more transphobic religious leaders than you can shake a stick at. While they wave their Bible in the air, and cite scripture as the reason to oppose the existence of transgender people, there’s not really much that The Bible has to say about them positively or negatively. When I went to OpenBible.info, they listed 24 verses that (supposedly) address the phenomenon of transgender identity. A few on this list are duplicates, and some don’t really address gender whatsoever. When I took these out, what remained were 14 passages that address gender in a problematic way, indicate misconceptions about what gender is, or just flat-out don’t say anything relevant about the issue. While these verses don’t really make the case that transgender identity is “immoral” or “anti-Christian”, it doesn’t stop religious people from trying to use them to halt human progress. They are able to use these verses based on misconceptions and lies about what transgender identity means or what gender is When you actually are informed about these issues and concepts, you’ll find that these verses aren’t able to justify their hatred at all. For this reason, I’ve decided to expose these verses and explore why the Bible doesn’t actually have anything to say about transgender people or their identity, much less that it is a source of immorality.


Deuteronomy 22:5

“A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.”


There are a couple things to unpack here. The most relevant thing for this post, though, is that it doesn’t say anything about trans people. A transgender person is the gender they identify with, period. Just because someone was previously thought of and referred to as a man does not mean that they are (or even were) a man. Conservative Christians probably think that this verse says something about trans people because so many of them think that a trans woman is literally a man in a dress. In actuality, a trans woman doesn’t violate this rule, because she is not a man putting on a women’s cloak, she is a woman putting on a woman’s cloak.


Of course, then you have to deal with the problem of knowing what a “woman’s cloak” is. For the purposes of this verse I’ll be charitable and extend its meaning to “women’s clothing”. Clothes just don’t have genders. The social etiquette that we’ve set up of pants being for men and dresses being for women is arbitrary. There’s no good reason that dresses are “women’s clothing”. Furthermore, it’s hard to compare between the clothing that we have in Western cultures today and whatever people were wearing in the Iron Age Middle East. The rule proposed here is ill-defined.


The only case in which it really makes sense to call an article of clothing a woman’s garment is if it’s an article of clothing that happens to be owned by a woman. British comedian Eddie Izzard is famous for cross-dressing onstage, yet when asked why he wears women’s clothes he responds by saying, “They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.” If a woman owns an article of clothing then it follows that that article of clothing is a woman’s garment. So when a trans woman owns a dress, it is in fact a woman’s dress. If I bought the dress off her it would then be a man’s dress, since I am a man and I own it. I guess this rule might be pretty good if it meant, “you shouldn’t be wearing other people’s clothes, because they’re not yours!”  But even if that were the case, it wouldn’t have anything to say about transgender people specifically.


Genesis 1:27

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 5:2

Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created.

Matthew 19:4-6

He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Mark 10:4-9

They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.


These might be the most common rebuttal verses to the existence of transgender people. Again, there’s a lot to unpack.


For the verses found in Genesis, this is clearly a reference to the creation of Adam and Eve. “Them” is not mankind, it is very clearly two specific people. The Matthew and Mark passages also mentions this creation, but it’s also specifically within the context of a man and a wife, and even more specifically within the context of divorce. A follower asked Jesus specifically whether a man should leave his wife. None of these have anything to do with transgender people specifically. The Gospel verses do certainly enforce a harmful patriarchal idea with some strongly implied gender roles, but that would be true whether or not the man or the wife are transgender. Whether it’s Adam and Eve or a divorcing couple, being trans is a non-factor for all participants.


The only thing it really seems to imply about transgender people is that it doesn’t indicate that nonbinary people exist. Of course, any conservative Christian on the street likely has no clue that there are nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid/etc. people in the first place, so they probably wouldn’t be informed enough to even make this argument. Even if the verses mention that the Christian god created male and female people, that doesn’t mean that the god only created males and females. There’s a lot of things that exist that The Bible doesn’t mention: Neptune, the electromagnetic spectrum, mitochondria, etc., but just because the Bible doesn’t mention them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.


I’m going to get charitable as fuck here, so hold on to your tushy. Let’s assume that these verses actually do mean that the creator only made male and female. That still wouldn’t exclude binary trans people. Trans women and trans men already fall under the category of “male and female”. So in actuality, these verses say nothing. Until the new “Anti-SJW Version” of the Bible comes out and specifically states that the Christian god made Adam and Eve cisgender, there’s no reason to think the Bible says anything about transgender people in these verses.


Romans 1:24-32

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.

Leviticus 18:22

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

1 Corinthians 6:9-20

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.


I mentioned earlier that some of the verses from OpenBible that I ignored didn’t address gender. These verses don’t really have anything to do with gender either so I could also choose to ignore them, but they address sexuality which is often tied to traditional gender roles. That’s why it’s worth addressing in this post.


Sexuality and gender are not the same thing. Heteronormative society and the Bible try and enforce the idea that the two are inextricably linked. Men fall in love with women, and women fall in love with men. That’s just the way things are.


Of course, we know that that’s not true. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and otherwise queer people exist, of course. But that’s not out of a desire of trying to be another gender or pretend to be something they’re not. It’s merely out of an attraction to someone of a particular sex or gender that’s outside of an arbitrary societal norm that enforces heterosexuality. I’ve talked to Christians that were very confused about this. “If gay men aren’t trying to be a girl, then why do they act effeminate? Why do they talk all high-pitched? Why do they all like to dance and wear bright colors?” Of course, I have to explain to them that this is just a stereotype. You’ll definitely find a lot of gay men who fit the stereotype, but you’ll also find plenty who do not. There’s a reason that both bears and lipstick lesbians are important terms, since there are entire subcultures of people who have a non-straight sexuality, yet align with the stereotype for their gender.


It may also confuse people that “Transgender” is often lumped into the same category as Gay, Lesbian, or Straight. After all, why lump together dissimilar things? I’d argue that, for one thing, the confusion described in the previous two paragraphs causes people to treat trans people effectively the same as queer people. Ultimately, both groups eschew traditional gender roles, which is apparently scary as fuck for most people. This is a perspective I’ve learned from my dear friends Callie and Ari, who are both queer and trans. There are certainly more reasons explaining why the “T” is included in LGBTQ, since trans inclusivity is likely to bolster numbers politically for both movements. That being said, while both trans and queer people face many of the same flavors of bigotry, they are distinct identities that involve different life experiences, and it’s important to keep that in mind.


Deuteronomy 23:1

“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Matthew 19:12

For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Isaiah 56:4-5

For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.


This may be the closest thing that the Bible gets to actually addressing behaviors that some transgender people tend to go through, but it’s highly misleading and inaccurate to say that it actually addresses transgender people. For various reasons, trans people often don’t get any reassignment surgery. In fact, apparently a majority don’t, such that trans advocates have put a lot of effort into emphasizing that surgery is far from the most important part of being transgender. The best that you could say about how well these verses address transgender people is that it addresses a behavior that some of them go through that the general population largely doesn’t. It hardly encompasses the entire transgender identity, which is just a state of having a gender identity that doesn’t conform with the sex assigned at birth.


The other point is that eunuchs existed largely to protect harems of powerful men, since they would be least likely to act sexually upon these women. There appears to be some debate on what the original Hebrew word indicated, but it appears that the word that the Bible uses indicates castration for the purposes of a career rather than identity. The Bible doesn’t really even indicate transgender people specifically.


There’s really not much more to say about that, but I do find it interesting that the first verse seems to be in direct conflict with the second two passages. It’s not exclusively contradictory, but it does seem strange that the god in question would ban eunuchs from entering places of worship on Earth, while at the same time having an apparently esteemed place in Heaven. Maybe I should give points to the Bible for specifically pointing out people who have been “eunuchs from birth”, since at least Heaven is apparently intersex inclusive.


1 Corinthians 11:14-15

Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering.


This one is wrong basically for the same reasons as the clothing-based verses previously mentioned. Instead of basically rehashing that, I elect to provide this image as a rebuttal instead:

jesus picture

[Image: Jesus, including his silken, luscious flowing locks]

Matthew 6:25

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?


This is the point when it’s apparent that you really have to grasp at straws to find anything in the Bible remotely related to transgender issues. Clearly, the only relevant part of the verse is where it states that people should not be anxious about their body. This would be a nice sentiment if anxiety were a controllable mental illness, but it isn’t. If I could control what I was anxious about, I wouldn’t be anxious about anything. Yet I definitely am anxious about aspects of my life, so while I am not transgender I already disobey this verse, along with anyone else who has some sort of anxiety disorder.


That being said, in a sense this verse addresses trans issues far better than the “eunuch” verses already discussed due to the high rate of mental health issues that trans people experience. 55% of trans people experience social anxiety, 50% experience depression, and a large part of the transgender experience is the phenomenon of gender dysphoria. While “being anxious about your body” is too simplified a description for these terms, if you tilt your head and squint a little bit you could assume that the Bible is referring to these mental health issues. If the Bible is in fact addressing them, that hardly makes it better by telling people not to do these. These issues are largely out of people’s control outside of seeking treatment, so if someone has a disorder or condition along these lines, then they are disobeying Jesus through no fault of their own! It’s almost as if people are often designed to be born sinners by a creator that will send them to Hell through no fault of their own. Huh.


I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the reason that these health problems in transgender people are so prevalent is not because transgender people are inherently crazy. There is a narrative that trans people are going through life anxious, depressed, constantly upset, or otherwise out of their minds which should be discouraged. Trans people are capable of living wonderful, happy lives. It’s not the actual identity that causes the mental health problems, it’s the stigma. So just like we shouldn’t think of trans people as people who have had surgery on their intimate parts, we should also make sure that we don’t think of them as inherently mentally ill people either.


Galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.


Unlike the other ones, this is a verse that is touted by progressives as an example of the Bible actually supporting transgender people. If you’re going to focus on the one part of the verse that merely states that “there is no male and female”, then you could come to the conclusion that the Bible has come to the modern understanding that gender is a social construct. That would be awesome if it were true, but I don’t think that’s a good conclusion.


Read within the context of the verse, you also see other examples of things that apparently don’t exist. Galatians 3:28 also states that there is no slavery or freedom, and there is no Jew or Greek (since Jew is contrasted with Greek, I will assume that this verse is referring to cultural or ethnic Judaism, instead of the religious group). Like gender, these are also constructs. There is nothing in someone’s inherent nature that makes someone a slave, it is the fact that another human has imposed upon their autonomy. There is no inherent difference between someone from Greece or Israel, but people separated by distance cause both groups to develop different ideas, traditions, and values. Like gender, all these things may not exist as a result of someone’s biology, but they undoubtably have an effect on how we live our lives as a result of how humans treat each other.


The Bible is wrong about a great many things about reality, but again I will be charitable and assume that the writers of Galatians weren’t so foolish as to deny that people hold other people has property. After all, slavery certainly existed as an institution when Galatians was written, and slavery is discussed and endorsed in other parts of the Bible. Similar things can be said about the existence of other cultures. At best, this verse seems to imply that these differences don’t matter to Jesus, especially taking into account, “you are all one in Jesus Christ.” This is a decent sentiment.


Unfortunately, I don’t find this verse that reassuring, especially considering the emphasis on traditional gender roles you can find all over the rest of the Bible. For a book that doesn’t consider there to be much of a difference between male and female, there sure is a lot of misogyny in it. Women certainly are treated as dirtier than men from very early on. Women are certainly taught to be silent and subservient to men. Wives are taught to submit to their husbands. This hardly scratches the surface. There certainly are a lot of rules involved that go to great lengths to distinguish male and female and treat them differently. For this reason, even if this verse could in some sense support de-emphasizing gender differences, that support rings hollow within the context of the rest of the book.

Both Saint and Sinner; Both Oppressed and Oppressor


Trav Mamone

I used to be a Lutheran, and one Lutheran doctrine that always fascinated me was that Christians are both sinners and saints simultaneously. According to Kathryn Kleinhans of Living Lutheran, the saint part isn’t because of the good we do, but because of God’s grace. She writes, “We are called saints not because we change into something different but because our relationship with God changes as a result of God’s grace.” This always cheered me up whenever I would beat myself up over my imperfections.


Of course it wasn’t until after I became an atheist that I realized how constantly reminding myself that I was a wretched sinner who didn’t deserve God’s love really damaged me. As Hemant Mehta once said in a video, “No one should repent for just being human.” However I still believe in this non-dichotomous way of viewing humankind. We think there are only two kinds of people in the world—good people and bad people, smart people and ignorant people—but the truth is people are way too complex to fit into just two boxes. In my few short years in the atheist community, I’ve seen really smart people believe in bullshit ideas, and I’ve seen good people act like jerks. So even from a secular point of view, we’re both saints and sinners simultaneously. Or as my friend Shiri Eisner wrote in her book Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution, “We are all oppressors and we are all oppressed—and we must all deal both with our oppression and our privileges” (p. 88).


Anyone involved with social justice activism can tell you this is a hard pill to swallow. I used to think that because I’m bisexual and genderqueer, being an ally to other groups would come naturally to me. However, when you live in a society that says, “All people are equal, but some are more equal than others,” you’re going to internalize a lot of racist, sexist, homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, acephobic, ableist, and classist messages, and eventually those messages will slip out of your mouth. You probably didn’t mean any harm, but intentions don’t negate the fact you fucked up. You have to own up to it, say you’re sorry, and learn from your mistake.


I got a rude reminder of this three weeks ago. I got called out for going into two feminist groups on Facebook wanting to be coddled, and then writing an angry blog post when people said they didn’t want my tears. Not only that, but I let MRAs spread their rape apologist fuckery in the comment section while I ignored it. Instead of owning up to all this, though, I got defensive and blocked everyone who was calling me out. I even played the “Don’t call me out because I was severely bullied as a child and now I have anxiety” card. That was a moment when the mask fell off my face and I was exposed. I panicked and decided to take a three-week break from my Bi Any Means podcast and blog while I processed everything.


Now I’ve been known to be overly dramatic, so maybe I made a bigger deal out if it than it is. After all, nobody blogged about it (The Amazing Atheist was the fuckboy of the atheist blogosophere at the time), and no one that I know of unfriended me from Facebook. But the incident made me rethink why I do all this social justice stuff. Do I really care about changing the world, or do I just want the attention? Is this simply another lesson in a life-long process of unlearning oppressive behavior, or am I really just a monster like Dan Lindford?


It’s easy to call out other people’s oppressive behavior, but it’s hard to call out your own. Fortunately, Kai Cheng Thom’s article “9 Ways to be Accountable When You’ve Been Abusive” helped me sort things out. It taught me to own up to my mistakes, not make any excuses, and not beat myself up for it. I tend to be either extremely defensive or extremely guilty, and neither one helps. Another article that’s really helped me out was Jennifer Loubriel’s “4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions without Bringing the White Tears.” And wouldn’t you know it, number 3 is “Excuse yourself if you’re having strong emotions.” Well hell, if I had done that, none of this shit would have happened! I guess sometimes you have to really fuck up in order to learn.


In fact, as A.C. Grayling wrote in The God Argument, “It is through failure and criticism that one has one’s best chance of learning the best lessons” (p. 168). I don’t believe in the whole “Everything happens for a reason” crap, but maybe it’s a good thing I fucked up. How else would I have learned how to be a better activist? I know it’s clichéd, but it’s true; you learn from your mistakes.


And I’m going to make more mistakes in the future. In fact, that’s why I no longer call myself an ally for other marginalized groups; instead, I say I’m practicing allyship. As the phrase suggests, you don’t just wake up one day the perfect ally because unlearning oppressive behavior is a life-long process with no magic formulas. The growing pains hurt, but eventually you learn to be a better person.


One of the best ways to practice allyship is to listen instead of talk. That doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion, but that you need to remember that your opinion might be wrong. I’m not a biologist, so whenever the topic of evolution comes up in online arguments, I share articles from biologists who can explain evolution better than I can. Likewise, I’m not black, so whenever the topics of racism and #BlackLivesMatter comes up in online arguments, it’s best for me to share articles from black people telling their stories.


I used to think that there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who got their shit together and assholes. The truth is everyone is still learning how to be better people, and that includes me.


Trav Mamone is a bisexual genderqueer atheist/humanist writer who blogs about the intersections of secular humanism and social justice at Bi Any Means. They also host the Bi Any Means podcast and co-hosts the Biskeptical podcast with Morgan Stringer. They currently serve on the Advisory Council of the LGBTQ Humanist Alliance, and they regularly contribute to TheHumanist.com.

Open Thread: Avoiding the Negativity vs. Being Informed


Jeremiah Traeger

Skepticism isn’t easy. It’s far more than just “disbelieving things”. It’s aligning your beliefs as best you can with the best available evidence. That takes work.

We know we can’t just consume media from one perspective. When a new controversial story comes out, I tend to look past the Huffington Posts and the Alternets to avoid my left leaning bias. I avoid Breitbart for just being untrustworthy, but the Blaze is often good for a laugh. It’s good to get a story from multiple news sources, even “fair and balanced” sites that claim to present the news as it is while still having a bit of a slant. Usually I’m able to see why they have the opinions they have, even if I find them based on faulty premises.

The “skeptics” I most disagree with tend to be people who make 20-30 long YouTube videos. Watching just one is exhausting, especially when their rhetoric and mannerisms are so condescending, reminiscent of the bullies who alienated and attacked me growing up. Yet when I don’t engage in watching the whole thing, suddenly I’m intellectually dishonest. Even though sometimes it will take pages and pages of blog posts to rebut a single video (Thanks to Stephanie Zvan and Martin Hughes for those). That’s exhausting.

I don’t even have time to listen to podcasts from people I consider friends and that I largely agree with. My podcatcher is filled with episodes from people I enjoy talking to a lot yet won’t listen to this week… or next week… or the week after. My rule of thumb is that if the next episode comes out before I’ve listened to the previous one, the previous one gets removed. The atheist podcast community is pretty oversaturated, unfortunately, and I just can’t be exposed to every point of view.

This also means if I want to be exposed to other viewpoints I have to actively carve out time specifically for that. I have to give credit to Secular Media Group’s Paleo Radio for providing a pretty reasonable perspective that occasionally is lot more centrist/libertarian than my progressive peers. I’ve recently listened to a No Religion Required listener’s Creating a New World, a podcast focused on eliminating government entirely, something that’s probably far out for most atheists. And whenever there’s drama within the community (such as one podcaster calling another podcaster out), I’ve tended to listen to the “other side” more often than not, if only to hear the specific grievances of what that person says and not just take the word of people on my side.

Then there’s the big problems that the general public would know more about than those involved in atheist communities. We have to be informed about Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and Syria. In this year’s election season, I need to know about climate change, the tax code, our border policy, religious freedom, women’s healthcare, police violence, election reform, police violence, party corruption, Hillary Clinton’s emails, Donald Trump’s bigotry, GMOs, vaccines, gun control, LGBTQ rights, the Trans Pacific Partnership, student debt, and where people should be allowed to pee. These topics intersect with each other, yet any one could take hours to get a decent perspective on any of them.

What doesn’t help is that for a good many of these, I could easily not care about them. No nondiscrimination law is likely to affect me in the near future. I’m in a largely white city with low police violence, and due to how I’m perceived I’m unlikely to get pulled over for a busted taillight. But if we make the wrong choice on LGBTQ issues, people die. If we make the wrong choice on gun control, people die. If we make the wrong choice about our poverty problem, families get kicked out of their homes and then they die. For a lot of minorities and marginalized folks, these discussions are far more than just intellectual academic disagreements, they are life or death. We can talk all day about what makes women uncomfortable in bathrooms, but encoding transgender bathroom rules into law can lead to them getting killed. We could argue forever about our local housing communities, but blacks will continue to be disproportionately targeted by gentrification. These topics are exhausting for me to be informed about, and none will affect me in any personal way. I do not envy anyone who has to end up arguing with people every day where they get to urinate, something so basic that I barely give a thought about doing it when I need to. This has some serious mental health implications (something I also need to be informed about).

At some point, it’s important to take care of ourselves. I like to go home, read blogs, cook dinner, and see if I can catch some new pokemon. I already wrote why it’s ok to focus on your personal problems even in a world filled with such massive issues, and that should extend to taking care of yourself. But how am I supposed to compensate? I’m privileged to have a job that I can sometimes listen to podcasts (I also have to be informed on the relevant scientific literature for my job, which is more of the same problem I’ve been discussing here). That’s often not possible, so then I have to catch up on the news and media once I get home, where I have limited time to take care of myself before going to sleep and going to work the next day. I’m not capable of finding out the whole spectrum of opinions on every topic that was in my Facebook feed today. I’m exhausted once I get home from work, and according to some people if I don’t take the time to watch a bully on YouTube that’s even more exhausting, I’m intellectually dishonest? And if I’m exhausted getting home from work, how more exhausted would I be if I were a trans woman coming home to my news feed with people threatening to beat up “a man in a dress walking into my daughter’s bathroom”? I’d have a choice to let that bullshit go unchallenged and give myself a mental break, or taking time and energy to call someone who clearly doesn’t value my humanity. I don’t blame someone taking either choice, but there is some negative outcome either way.

I think it’s awesome that we can so easily connect with like-minded people via the internet. This allows us to find communities. Yet I’m always aware that I need to expose myself to others who disagree with me. It’s one reason why I never really unfriend people for disagreement (I’ve only done it twice, one for blatant transphobia and one for blatant racism, and I had already called both of them out on that before). But I’m also sympathetic to people who just can’t put up with bullshit. I’m also definitely not going to criticize anyone cutting someone out of their life or blocking someone for being abusive. But even sometimes, one person’s “intellectual disagreement” can have drastic consequences on the life of another. May I remind you about LGBTQ teens who are homeless cause their parents “don’t agree with the lifestyle”?

Does maintaining intellectual honesty conflict with taking care of yourself? Does being a good skeptic mean trying to be informed on every single issue all the time? Obviously no. No reasonable human would mind someone cutting off all contact with someone harassing them. But being informed about the ills of the world brings some stress into my life, to the point where it can impact my daily life and productivity in a hugely negative way. Perhaps this isn’t a problem with anyone else, but wanting to be exposed to the “other side” certainly makes it a lot harder for me to share the memes that encourage people to cut all the negative thinking out of their life.


[Image: Beautiful things start to happen when you get away from the negativity. Source: positiveoutlooksblog.com]

About the only conclusion I’ve come to myself is that I will never be informed on every issue. While it’s not ideal, it takes a lot of weight off of my shoulders. I’m more interested in how other skeptics deal with this problem. Where do you draw your lines? At what point do you stop following certain media or unfriending people? How do you make sure you have time to take care of yourself, while at the same time making sure you’re not clueless about the world you live in? Do you expose yourself to hatred, knowing that you could use that exposure to correct some of the problems you see? And if so, how? How do you spend your time at home, when you are able to relax and effectively shut out the world? How do you balance that out?

Please comment below.


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