A Talking Ass. Really?

talking donkey

In Genesis we read of a talking snake. Now we have to deal with a talking ass. This is really starting to get out of hand!

So, here is the story of the talking ass; an Israelite sheppard named Balaam has a donkey. The story doesn’t say how long Balaam’s had said donkey but it would be safe to assume that he’s had him/her for a while. The donkey see’s an angel on a path that Balaam is not able to see. The donkey moves out of the way of the angel and accidentally crushes Balaam’s foot against a rock wall. Honest mistake right? Well this angers Balaam and he proceeds to beat the hell out of the innocent donkey.

It would appear that Balaam has a few anger issues. Well the donkey has had enough of the abuse. He looks at Balaam and says ” What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” (Numbers 22:28 NIV) Now Balaam begins a conversation with his ass. Picture this if you will…Balaam is now standing directly in front of his ass with his best ‘put em up’ pose looking it eye to eye and having conversation as with a person. If this is not bad enough, Balaam, talking to an donkey remind you, says “you have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now!“(Numbers 22:29 NIV)

I know I am not the brightest bulb in the box, but I’m pretty damned bright and I’m bright enough to know that donkey’s cannot talk. But lets pause for a moment. Why isn’t Balaam completely freaked out? I can’t speak for all people but if my dog said “whats up” I am out of there!

Now the donkey says “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden to this day? Have I been in the habit of  doing this to you? No, he said.” (Numbers 22:30 NIV) So now the donkey is slapping Balaam with a guilt trip. Really? I am completely dumbfounded by the number of Christians all over the world who see this as truth. When I questioned a close Christian friend about this story he said ” Of course I know it’s true. It proves there is nothing my God can’t do.” Except set the example on how to treat your animals of course. If you are not cutting their throats as a sacrifice or you can always beat the hell out of them. No big deal.

So folks, next time you are watching Mr Ed remember that everything you are seeing is one hundred percent true and based on Biblical teachings.


6 thoughts on “A Talking Ass. Really?

  1. garnet2727 February 8, 2014 at 7:07 PM Reply

    I’ve always found the story of Balaam’s ass to be funny. In fact, I got in quite a bit of trouble when I was younger for laughing out loud when the preacher at my grandmother’s church used it in a sermon.

  2. noreligionrequired February 8, 2014 at 8:26 PM Reply

    I can’t imagine what spin he would’ve put on the story to make it make sense to the congregation. The story is absolutely ridiculous and it is even more ridiculous that Christians take this story as absolute fact. It leaves me completely dumbfounded.

  3. Bethany Reagan (@bethany_reagan) June 2, 2016 at 12:19 AM Reply

    christians believe this story because its in the bible. and we believe the bible is 100% true for many reasons that i wont get into. but there is a reason behind balaam beating the donkey. he even threatens the donkey BUT THE DONKEY ISNT SCARED BECAUSE THE LORD IS USING HIM TO GET BALAAM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HES DOING IS WRONG. the next time you want to put down christians for believing something make sure theres a reason not to believe it please

  4. Bethany Reagan (@bethany_reagan) June 2, 2016 at 12:27 AM Reply

    Christians believe this story is true because its in the bible. And we believe in the bible for many reasons that i wont get into. There is also a reason that God allows Balaam to beat his donkey. God allows this so he can open Balaam’s eyes before the angel kills him, so he might be able to convince Balaam that what he is doing is wrong and so that he might be able to save the life af a sinner!! Not just because he wants to see a donkey beat! So the next time that you want to judge christians for believing in something, 1:make sure theres a reason not to believe in it and 2: think about what you believe in, we dont judge you for that so dont judge us for what you think is wrong. thank you,
    ~one of many christians

  5. noreligionrequired June 27, 2016 at 12:31 PM Reply

    Awwww….did I hurt your little feelings Bethany? Why is your god so weak that you feel it needs you do defend it? Do you have special powers that we should know about? Don’t look now but your ignorance is showing. You may want to take care of that before you leave the house. One last thing, I would suggest you actually read your bible before trying to present some juvenile argument on this blog. Oh! before I forget, I will continue to judge you and every other Christian out there until you actually start acting like the Christian you claim to be. Toodles!

  6. Bill Kesatie (@Beowulfs_Kin) July 12, 2018 at 10:19 AM Reply

    Your objection is not uncommon. It is hard to believe the account because it is outside of our ordinary experiences. I mean, I have never had a donkey speak to me. In fact, in the history of the world, I am pretty certain that this is the only instance of a donkey speaking to anyone. But that’s where God comes in. It doesn’t say that the donkey spoke of its own accord, but rather that God opened the donkey’s mouth to speak. And it did speak, and there was a purpose to what it said. (I won’t get into the purpose here — it would take too much time for a comment.)

    You also object to him not being freaked out that the donkey spoke to him. I agree that it is hard to understand. I think that if the donkey had spoken to me, I would have absolutely wondered about my own sanity. But you are not really reading the passages with enough empathy for Balaam’s situation. Balaam is obsessed with getting to Moab because he loves the “wages of unrighteousness” (2 Peter 2:15). He wants the money and honor that Balek has promised him more than he wants to do what is right, and from his point of view he only sees the donkey being uncooperative with what he wants to do. This is the third time that the donkey has interfered with Balaam, and he is so furious he wants to kill the donkey.

    Have you ever wanted to get someplace really, really badly, and your trip keeps getting interrupted by various problems. First, there is a detour that takes you out of the way and is going to make you late. Then, when you are worried that you are going to miss your event altogether because of the delays, your car breaks down and won’t move. It is so frustrating that you want to beat your car. (Think Basil Fawlty of Fawlty Towers getting so frustrated with his car that he beats it with a branch.) I’m pretty sure we can all relate to Basil in one degree or another. (You can find a video of the reference by searching “Fawlty Towers Basil beats his car” on YouTube.)

    So, he’s so angry and obsessed that it doesn’t even occur to him that he is talking to a donkey. That’s what’s going on here.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: