The Power of Baldness

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Will all the bald men please stand up!

As a folically challenged man, I can clearly understand the biblical story I am about to share. I started losing my hair at nineteen and I’m now in my forties and you can imagine what has happened over the last twenty plus years. As a bald guy, I have used every one-liner you could possibly think up to make light of my bald head. “Solar panel for a sex machine” is one that is commonly used but my favorite was used in a speech I gave several years ago. I always made a comment about my head at the beginning of my speech to evoke laughter from the audience and this is what I said ” Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize for the glare, some people’s hair turned gray with age, mine turned loose.” This usually receives a good laugh and I am able to carry on with my speech. There have been many times that people have made cruel jokes about my baldness and I usually have some handy comeback, but I have never gone as far as the prophet Elisha.

II Kings 2 recounts the story of Elijah and Elisha. Chapter two isn’t a very long chapter but it is chock full of unbelievable events that supposedly took place which leads up to what I will share with you today.

In this chapter, Elijah is taken up in a whirlwind and taken to heaven (v11).  Elisha watched it happen and through his devastation he cried out ‘My Father! My Father!’ (v12). I think it is safe to assume that anyone would be upset after watching a man being sucked into the center of a tornado (whirlwind), so I can understand Elisha’s devastation. With Elijah gone, Elisha has left Jericho for Bethal and this is when things take a horrible turn. Elisha was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of her, Baldy!” the boys said (v24). Well this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and Elisha flips a bitch!

Instead of doing the adult thing and ignoring the childish acts of children, Elisha decides that the children deserved death. After all, they are poking fun at him, so surely this is an offense worthy of the death penalty, right? Well, Elisha turns around and faces the boys. He then calls down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Two female bears come out of the woods and mauls all forty-two children to death (v24).  That’s right folks, God sent two bears to kill forty-two children for acting like children. How dare those kids act like children!

I once heard a preacher say that this story is showing how God protects he chosen people. Protect them from what; children being children? Why is God so quick to kill? Where is the loving God that every pastor speaks about on Sunday morning?

Now, let’s look at this story with a little logic. We are expected to believe that forty-two children were eaten by two bears. Anyone who has ever watched Animal Planet knows that when a bear kills for food, it kills it’s prey and eats it right away. Yet we are expected to believe that two bears went on a biting and scratching spree and did not take the time to eat until all the children were dead. Even more screwed up is the fact that the other forty children did not run away while the first two children were being killed, but then again we aren’t supposed to approach scripture with logic and reason. We are to close our mind and believe with blind faith. Sorry folks but I don’t do faith. I do evidence along with logic and reason and this just doesn’t add up to either.

 

photo: Google images

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5 thoughts on “The Power of Baldness

  1. trueandreasonable February 26, 2014 at 7:00 PM Reply

    Not all the stories in the bible are meant to be taken literally.

    And I think your anger at God for the death of children is in part due to your belief that they are not now in heaven.

    • noreligionrequired February 26, 2014 at 7:40 PM Reply

      Thank you for visiting and posting your comment. All comments are welcomed here.

      I find it interesting that you would comment that not all stories in the bible are meant to be taken literally. My question is, If all the stories aren’t supposed to be taken literally, how do you know which should and should not? Also if we are to believe that the entire Bible is God-inspired, why would he inspire such a confusing book for his people? Why wouldn’t he say exactly what he meant, why the hyperbole?

      I must correct you on saying that I am angry at God. In order for me to be angry at God would require me actually believing he exist which I have not seen any tangible evidence to imply that he is nothing more than a man made deity used to hold billions of people captive.

      I must say that your comment about the children going to heaven doesn’t surprise me. I have heard many people use a promise of Heaven to justify the brutality of God but it still does not justify the brutal murder of children. Would it be okay if someone murdered your children, assuming you have any, because after all they are in heaven and how can you know for SURE that they are in heaven? Have you seen heaven to know without a shadow of doubt that it really exist, or are you only taking the word of a 2000 year old book that was written by 40 different authors over a period of 1500 years in three different languages and canonized by sinful man which determined which writings would and would not make it into the final draft?

      Once again, I thank you for your comment and I thank you for visiting my blog.

      • trueandreasonable February 27, 2014 at 12:39 PM

        Hello I am glad I found your blog I enjoy reading it. I will do my best to answer your questions.

        “My question is, 1) If all the stories aren’t supposed to be taken literally, how do you know which should and should not? 2) Also if we are to believe that the entire Bible is God-inspired, why would he inspire such a confusing book for his people? 3) Why wouldn’t he say exactly what he meant, why the hyperbole?”

        1) I think we do the same sorts of things you did here. Do we really think all the children just stood around waiting to be eaten? Do bears really react that way? etc. Let me just say that there is some reason to think that Jews were the most intelligent people who ever walked the earth. These scriptures were the most exalted of the literature that they developed. So if you are reading the most exalted literature from the smartest people on earth and thinking they are fools we have to wonder perhaps we are missing something.

        So while I would concede I can’t tell which were meant to be interpreted literally and which not I think looking at context and thinking about what was said – like you did – is about as good as we can get.

        2) I think some things are confusing and some things are fairly straight forward. Jesus gave some pretty clear commands on what we should do. But its true he also spoke in parables. The parables have morals to them that we should follow they are not just clear dos and don’ts. As time changes we need to apply the more fundamental understanding of what he wanted because clear bright line rules will not apply over thousands of years.

        3) I think some people appreciate the hyperbole. Again the book would be too long if he had to say what we had to do in every situation. Hyperbole tends to get a point accross in a way a dry listing of rules won’t.

        Note in answering 2 and 3 I don’t presume to speak for God. I am just thinking there might be good reasons for the way the bible is written.

        ” I must correct you on saying that I am angry at God. In order for me to be angry at God would require me actually believing he exist which I have not seen any tangible evidence to imply that he is nothing more than a man made deity used to hold billions of people captive.”

        Who do you think is trying to hold billions of people Captive? And what motivations would they have?

        “I must say that your comment about the children going to heaven doesn’t surprise me. I have heard many people use a promise of Heaven to justify the brutality of God but it still does not justify the brutal murder of children. Would it be okay if someone murdered your children, assuming you have any, because after all they are in heaven and how can you know for SURE that they are in heaven? Have you seen heaven to know without a shadow of doubt that it really exist, or are you only taking the word of a 2000 year old book that was written by 40 different authors over a period of 1500 years in three different languages and canonized by sinful man which determined which writings would and would not make it into the final draft?”

        Well you sort of assumed what is in those ancient texts are true when you chastised God (or as you would say the imagined God) to begin with right? If you are going to believe the part about the bears eating all the Children why not the other parts?

        Am I sure of Heaven? Well I will just say that I am sure of very little beyond “I think therefore I am.” But I tend to believe in heaven more than I believe those 2 bears ate all those children.

        The bible makes it clear that we are God’s Creation so he can do what he wants with us. Just like if I make a sand castle I can do what I want with it. That can be an affront to our pride but it is the truth. And the bible makes it clear truth trumps our feelings.

        I would not be okay if someone killed my children saying God commanded it. I don’t think God would command it.
        “No one does [God] command to act unjustly, to none does he give license to sin.” Sir 15:19-20

  2. noreligionrequired February 27, 2014 at 6:49 PM Reply

    Thank you for sharing your answers to my questions. I want you to know that I respect your answers and I completely understand where you are coming from with your answers. However there is one comment that I would like to respond to.

    “Who do you think is trying to hold billions of people Captive? And what motivations would they have?”

    I believe that religion is holding MILLIONS of people captive. Forcing someone to love you and honor you under the threat of eternal damnation is in my opinion keeping those people in chains. This is one of the major problems I had with religion, they threaten you with hell if you do not accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. I have a problem with the “love me or else”clause in religion.

    Secondly, what motivations would they have? This is an easy one to me. The motivation is to fill churches all over the world. As long as the church can continue to convince people that they were born in sin and became sinners at the moment of conception, the more funds the church makes every week. Keep them scared and they will continue to come. The ultimate motivation is money, religion is a business and if you do not believe it take a look at the multimillion dollar mega churches all over the country. They goal is to fill the offering plate and they know they can’t do it without people.

  3. Steve Sayles December 14, 2014 at 12:41 PM Reply

    I agree “religion is holding MILLIONS of people captive” . I also agree that money is a motive. (money brings power) Power over people is the main motive. When I was a Pastor I preached against tithing (It was part of the OT Mosiac Covenant. Tithing is not taught as a principle of the New Covenant) Although being generous is a New Covenant principle. I was unpaid as a Pastor for many years. I used to say if you don’t want to give any money to the upkeep of the Church (paying rents, and bills etc) Then keep your stinking money (and many did keep it, lol ). If you have to give because it is an obligation how can it be an act of charitable loving giving?

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