The Fog

Finding my way through the fog
Looking for the answers to what is right and what is wrong
But for me the reality of these questions and the answers that followed became full of distorions
Nothing was as it seemed
It was the fog slowly closing in around me
A fog filled with fears, nightmares and paranioa
Feeling that your worst fears can become reality at any moment
A reality that is so terrible and painful that all I could do was run
Running from or running to… I could not tell the difference
No matter what direction I ran all I saw was fog
As the fog grew thicker and thicker I began to feel myself falling
As the fog began to finally disapear I found myself in a hole
A deep, dark hole
A hole filled with sadness, pain, hoplesness and dispare
As time went by these things consumed me
I did not know any other way to exist
Life in the hole was all I knew
I had no memories of life before it
The hole became my only comfort, my only friend
I didn’t even think about leaving
I did not know how
I had no hope
I was in a deep, dark, hole lost in a sea of fog
And I did not think that anyone even knew I was there
I was doomed to live a life of fear, pain and such horrible sadness that at times I wished that the hole would just collapse in on me and end my pain
The pain had become more than I could bear
And at the moment that I could bear no more a faint ray of light hit my shoulders
How long had it been since I had seen a light such as this?
I did not know
My first reaction was of fear
So I dug deeper into my hole
Then I saw a hand slowly reaching down
Not knowing what to do I dug even deeper
What did the hand want?
Why was it there?
What did it want from me?
A fear of the hand grew intense
I sat weeping, not knowing what to do
Not knowing how to feel
I began to hear  a comforting voice coming from the hand
A voice that I did not know for it had been many a year since I had heard such a voice
I was told that I would be helped out of the hole but I would have to make the first step alone
I would have to stand up and reach for the hand
I felt nothing but fear
My body trembled as I slowly reached for the hand
I felt a sense of warmth and comfort from the hand
It was an unfamiliar feeling
But the fear still dominated my emotions as I was slowly helped out of the hole
It was a very long and hard journey before I was finally free from the hole
And in days to come I would search long and hard for it again
For there were times that I again disired its comfort
But with all my searching I could not find it again even to this day
The struggles that came after were hard and challanging
I learned many new things and met with many comforting voices
The journey to freedom has been difficult and not without it’s trips and stumbles
But it was a journey that was well worth taking and it continues to be so
Because the journey never really ends, it just changes shapes and colors
The way that the seasons come and go. Always changing
But changing for the good
For now I finally have hope that I will never return to the depths of the hole within the fog
I have the strength to keep them in my past
And the disire to never return

~Wendy Kay


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